I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
