even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
