so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
