Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
