this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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