I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
