i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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