have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
