she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
