my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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