Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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