garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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