I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
