Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
