I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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