If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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