Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
