As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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