HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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