I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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