Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
