Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
