Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
