We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
