You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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