Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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