mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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