Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
