one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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