I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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