ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

  Fav 105 13625 2013

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??

  Fav 74 957 3545

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

  Fav 6 4247 1224

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

  Fav 8 5825 1504

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

  Fav 2 2852 1089

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.

  Fav 20 1559 4474

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

  Fav 15 900 3900

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now

  Fav 1 536 269

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper

  Fav 0 397 175

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.

  Fav 1 246 319

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos

  Fav 1 241 152

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.

  Fav 2 10 91

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.

  Fav 5 128 31

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.

  Fav 0 23 73

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (863): View more from Florida

  MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!

  Fav 0 64 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize