dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
