you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
this hospital has no fireball
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
