I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
