don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
