I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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