how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
