there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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