We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
