Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
