did you get engaged???
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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