i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
