Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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