everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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