I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
