I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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