I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
