Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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