How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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