well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize