Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize