they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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