The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize