I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
