i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
