i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
