(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
