i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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