so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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