i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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