all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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