I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
